fear of love

Alexa feels things so deeply. This morning I removed her from the open door (a little hastily) and she burst into tears. I spent almost 10 minutes holding her, and talking to her about her "owie". Her hand where I had pulled her back, but I think also her heart. I gave her Reiki on her hand, arm, shoulder, and also gave her Reiki on her emotional hurt.

At the end, we nursed and cuddled on the couch a long time. These times are always hard for me because I am in a hurry, with an agenda, and being Zen feels like all my own plans just hit a wall. My daughter is important, and I do not "regret" the connection. I do feel exhausted and frustrated by the sudden switch.

I also felt fear as we were cuddling. I love this child so much. What if she holds things deep in her heart, so deep, that one day she no longer wants to talk to me. It would hurt so much. It made me want another child, just so my whole heart wouldn't be crushed if that ever happened.